11/7/16

growing up



Tonight I heard a Holocaust survivor say that growing up is hard, no matter where you live, how loving your mama and pops are, no matter what your circumstances are.

And it just felt good or assuring or maybe relieving to hear that. Good to hear that it is hard, and someone who has gone through more pain that I can ever imagine recognizes that.

I often feel silly complaining about this season of navigating. Because it is silly. I have so, so much. I have options and opportunities. I have friends and family rooting me on. I have some money in savings and a full belly and a comfy bed. I have a great job and even though I do live in the butthole of America (sorry North Dakota) I get to watch a pretty sunrise every morning.

I have so much to be thankful for and I am so grateful, and yet....

And yet I find myself often confused and overwhelmed by this whole process: figuring out myself, my future, where I fit in.

I told my sweet mama the other day that this season of singleness, childlessness, wandering is a super selfish time. And in a way it makes things worse because I am already so self-absorbed and when my only responsibility is for myself it just escalates that.

I have to really work to focus on others, where as a mama has to think of her kid's needs, a spouse is commanded to tend to their spouse, someone with roots and a role is committed to a people and a place.

So it's learning how to look to the needs of others even when I don't have to. It's pushing myself out of myself. It's taking responsibility for things I am not obligated to, but loving and serving anyway because that is what Jesus did for me.

And I can say with confidence that that is hard. But there is grace and strength for that hard.

1 comment:

  1. It is a time of anxiety and reflection. My life went by too fast in those days and without a relationship with Jesus. He will lead you forward, I have no patience either but it's His timing.

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