grieving and praising

"Hey, I am here for you. Call me whenever. 2 a.m. on a Tuesday. Whenever." I gave her a shoulder a squeeze and walked away. She had been crying, her heart was breaking, and I told her I would be there for her.

I've learned it's pretty easy to say you'll be there for someone. It's a lot harder to be there. 

I can think of someone I told I would be there for. I told her I would be her confidant. I had her over for cookies and conversations one evening when she told me she was lonely. But then one night she texted me, her heart in a mess, and I was irritated.

Over what? I don't know. My time was being interrupted. I wanted to be alone, or I wanted to be with my friends, or I wanted to not have to counsel someone. I don't know why but it boils down to this: sin. My own frailty. My own selfishness. 

I was so curt with this girl. So harsh.

I told myself I was just being realistic, asking her the hard questions. I wasn't though. I was being compassion-less, wanting her problem to go away so I didn't have to feel like she was my problem.

I look back at that situation and feel so much shame. That poor girl completely shut down toward me after that---and I couldn't blame her! I attempted to restore our relationship but she only let me in so much after that.

I praise the Lord that this girl's well being is not in my hands because boy would I ruin it. I am a ticking time bomb. A friend recently explained it as being kind, being kind, being kind... BOOM! Anger, irritation, malice comes up out of nowhere.

It throws your loved ones for a loop, you for a loop, and you are sitting in the mess you made asking yourself how you could've responded that way. 

Well, you could have because you're human. Because you are not God. Because you are fleshly, you are fighting sin.

In these times I pray that we do not stay too long in despair. We can grieve our sin but may we find when we look at our own wretchedness the beauty of Christ all the more glorious. 

When we see our sin for what it is may it cause us to praise God for who he is! Where we are inconsistent he is perfectly consistent. Where we are unkind, he is kind. Where we lack compassion, he abounds in compassion. Where we are unloving, his love is steadfast.

Grieve your sin, my friends. But let that look at your own sin cause you to sing even louder the holiness of our God!