grace for today

I'm on a stool, my back leaning against the wall, playing limbo between a harshly lit room and the front desk at my job, waiting for the next guest to pop by and check out, check I'm, complain, bring me donuts (hint hint).

The week after spring break is coming to a close, which may not seem like that big of a deal to you but for me it's been a marker of sorts. Spring break was when I knew I had only 2 more months of college, and with this week ending its even closer.

Not that I'm counting down the the days. People ask me if I can't wait to leave, and honestly I can. I won't miss the homework and papers, but I'll miss the people. I'll miss this season. 

College didn't get good for me until the last couple weeks of junior year. And since then it's just gotten sweeter and sweeter. So sweet in fact, that I hate the thought of leaving.

College was hard for a while. I go back and forth wondering why... If I was miserable because of my own sin and disobedience, if it was self-inflicted, if it was simply the path God needed me to take. Either way, I know it refined me. I know grace so much better and it's so much richer to me. I struggled, not well at times, but the hard times taught me so much. I don't wish to go back, but I'm coming to terms that maybe I wouldn't change them. 

Grace kept showing up for me in those hard times, though maybe I didn't see it when it was happening. Grace even was those hard times of refinement. 

Grace showed up in coffee dates, in bear hugs, in a kind compliment, in kindred spirits, in spontaneous hang outs, in $2 pizza, in shared taste in music, in warm weather.

As I wonder about what this next season of life will look like it can be scary. The what if game is cruel and can fill my head with worry: what if I don't have community after college? What if I lose the friendships I've made here? What if it's hard again? What if, what if. 

The thing about worrying about tomorrow is I can't see the grace God will give in today. I can't see how grace will show up and get me through the next moments, days, weeks, and months. 

But grace will. God will. If I would only recognize it and embrace it.

Grace is here as I finish up these last weeks of college. Grace is in the midst of three girls squished in a small bed. Grace is in heartbreak over failed relationships. Grace is in group projects (PTL). Grace is in learning how to grow up. Grace is in confrontation. Grace is in goodbyes.

We can't look ahead and see the immense grace God will give us. What we can do is look for grace God has given us for today and give thanks for it.