autumn thoughts

the crisp autumn air is wafting through my bedroom windows and sweet ellie mae (our home's dog) is lying on my bed, her nose resting on the window as she sniffs at the breeze. the leaves are an array of crimson red and burnt orange and the breeze is a welcome rush of cool. pumpkins are everywhere: on everyone's fire place, outside everyone's front door, littering the farmer's markets and side roads in this mountain town. and as fall makes its way in, removing the humid heat of summer and promising the eminent winter, the lord is helping me do what i find so hard to do: be thankful.

yes, when fall comes my thoughts always turn to gratefulness... lord, thank you so much for the fallen leaves. they're gorgeous. father, thank you for a town where people take it slow and there is little hustle and bustle, but there is lots of long conversations. jesus, thank you for time to drink pumpkin spice lattes (duh) with friends and hear about their lives.

suddenly i am drinking it all in. autumn seems to make time stop and opens my eyes to what is going on around me: life, the lord at work, blessing after blessing, grace after grace.

and as i list off thanks the lord seems to gently nudge me, reminding me that just because the seasons change, doesn't mean he does. he is the same in the summer as he is in the fall, and his character does not shift with the snowfall, or his grace with the blooming flowers of spring. yes, he is always at work and his work is always good.

it's easy for me to want more. it comes natural, doesn't it? even as children we want not just a piece of chocolate, but the whole bar; to hear not just one story before bed, but two.

i am five foot seven inches of wanting. my desire takes over and drives almost every thing i do.

and maybe that is not the problem. maybe that is not the issue up for discussion. maybe it is what my desire is for that needs reformation. because if all i desire is fame and wealth and praise and popularity then, like romans 8 tells us, i'll find death, for my mind is set on the things of the flesh. but to set my mind on god, to fix my desire onto him? that is life and peace!

this season of my life the lord has been teaching me over and over about his sovereignty. at first, in my foolishness and pride, i thought, i don't think i need to learn this right now. i understand you are in control and sovereign. so i think i need a different lesson. but my heart is finally breaking open to the truth of it all: i am where i am, with who i am with, obeying what he has called me to because this is where he wants me to be. and what do i know about my father? that he is good, so he would not have me here unless it was good (which is to say if it wasn't for primarily his glory, and secondarily, my good).

so i thank him now, and pray i will learn to thank him always. for he is sovereign and good, and i am honored to serve this glorious god.

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