apathy and its problem

the urgency is burning upon my heart with fervor and my mind is being sewn together with endless questions of how and to whom and when and where and the mind cannot rest until i am there, with them, teaching and proclaiming and encouraging to those who do not know, to those who know but do not understand, to those tired and exhausted from their own deadness. because how can how then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? and how are they to hear without someone preaching?

this summer i went to asheville for a saturday with a few friends. and as we walked the streets i was overwhelmed with the weight i felt; weight of a people who did not know the lord, weight of  a people stuck in the cycle of wanting more out of life but looking for it in every other place but where satisfaction and life can be found, weight of a people who are walking around dead and me wanting to scream into their faces what truth is, what life is, what the gospel is. scream love into their dead and helpless souls.

i know how easy it is to get sucked into this culture. to get sucked into wearing certain things, living a certain way, being a certain kind of person. and with all of that we want to find a certain kind of gospel. a gospel that fits into our vanilla lattes and urban outfitters splurges.  a kind of gospel that looks pretty. a kind of gospel that is anything but the gospel but is, as paul warned us against, only teachings from teachers that suit our own passions.

and i feel the lord crying, "wake up! wake up and encounter me for i can satisfy you in even the driest lands! wake up for i am the way, the truth and the life! you do not define me, i define you!"

o i see people who do not know, but need to know. i see people who are dead, but need to live.

as we walked through asheville, ducking into shops selling jewelry and passing street singers, my friend and i prayed that we would never lose the weight of this burden, never lose this sadness for these people.

my own testimony is one of which i was plucked out of aimless wandering. for that is at times the easiest sort of rebellion against god: the apathetic one. one in which you don't feel hate toward god, nor do you feel love. the one where you don't know the meaning of life, nor do you care to find it. the one where you are content just trying to find the right outfit to impress the right people so you can be the right kind of person.

but god opened my eyes to him. opened my eyes to the filth of my sin and that ugly evil called apathy. and daily do i have to lay down my fleshly desire to go back to it, to go back to the easy road. but praise him who is able and who sustains me and who wakes me up each morning with new mercy for his glory and his purpose.