trust the giver

I look up at the women around me : she is about to get married, she just got married and is pregnant with most mysterious and beautiful gift, she is heading overseas, her business is going strong, she has more friends than me and my friend circle put together. And it's so easy for me to look with envious eyes over the plans The Lord has for them.

My life has been a cycle of wanting just a little bit more. A never ending circle of if only's... If only I were prettier. If only I had more friends. If only I had a husband. If only I excelled in school. If only I knew what I am going to do with my life. If only my walk with God looked like hers. If only this blog was more popular. If only after if only after if only until I am left with the life I have been given and I am shoving it away with ungrateful hands.

"Only let each person lead the life that The Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him."

Who are you to question the life The Lord has given you? is asked of me and my mouth goes dry with no answer. Elisabeth Elliot wrote of the gifts the Father gives as "given by a divine Giver who knows the end from the beginning, and wants above all else to give us the gift of himself."

I will not question him, nor the ways he works in my life. His ways are higher than my ways and I trust in his plan for he has proven faithful, and he is the creator and sustainer. Above all, he knows what is best.

I always think back to the missionary, Gladys Aylward, who grew up wishing she were taller and had bright blue eyes like all the other girls she knew, instead of being short with dark eyes. But when The Lord brought her to a people group who were all short with dark eyes she was thankful for how he made her, and realized then why he did.

Yes, The Lord is sovereign and we should be thankful that when we surrender our lives to him. Yes we must accept his gifts with a willing heart for we trust that he knows why we need that gift. Whether that gift is a personality trait, singleness, trials, loneliness, marriage, illness, favor among people. All arr gifts and we can trust the Giver.