rebelling against the resolutions

I sat beside the family, the friends, the people I called home. Looked in their eyes, those eyes, that had seen me at my worst and at my best, seen me a crying mess and winning awards, seen me try to find hiding places and seen me claim spotlights. And these people, oh can the words explain the love I have?

And we began the tradition we have done for so long. I have a question for y'all tonight, his voice spoke.

And it was just a few days until the new year, so I should have seen it coming, should have seen the question pop up in between the bites of pinto beans and the crumbling up of cornbread.

What is the one thing you want to accomplish in this coming year?

And it came to me and I was at a loss. What do I want to do? What do I want to accomplish?

Her eyes, the one that know me so well, looked surprised and said I probably have a list somewhere, that making list is my specialty and I always have plans a mile long on how to be better this year, cut old habits this year, improve myself this year.

And she was right, ever since I was that awkward, lanky girl in fourth grade I felt I need to make myself better. And I always have been striving, my life defined by the striving.

But this year, this next year of life that I will never have again, is improving what I want to focus on? Because the striving to improve sure does tire the body, make weary the soul, exhaust the mind, and for once I would like to be okay with all that is around and all that I have.

So I told them I had no list this year, no plan to improve. And on the eve of the New Year's I sat cradling a baby who was sleepy and whiny and perfect and I said what if I just focused on being satisfied in Jesus this year? what if I claimed contentment for my hungry soul?

And no list was made but I wrote the words down on my heart and on my forehead and on my arm because I must remember this life and how short it is and how beautiful my Maker is and how deeply he satisfies. 

image: tumblr.