12/3/13

loneliness



I'm yawning with happy exhaustion because I have turned off the sad lullabies and exchanged them for the chaotic music of life.

Funny how quickly things change. How one day, one week, one month, one year you feel like your world is over and the next....

The next it hits you: I have it pretty good. I have roof over my head and friendship by the side.


I am learning that loneliness is a friend until the end, an unavoidable part of life. Not only a part of life, but necessary. Because how can one know the emptiness of the soul if they never experience loneliness? How can one thirst for their Maker if they never know what it feels like to have it all, and still know there is the missing?

Last September, when the leaves of Virginia began to change colors and the breeze seemed to stick around for the lazy days, I knew loneliness well. I knew it better than I probably had ever known it. Living by one's self in a new town with a boat load of insecurity and apprehension makes the acquaintance with loneliness form into intimate friendship.

And oh how I clung to the love of my Lord. Because what else could I cling to? After a life of clinging to the family and the comfort and the familiar, I was left with hands reaching, grasping, longing for anything to hold and feel peace.

And I finally came back to the fact that until I clung with deepest steadfastness to my Maker, the loneliness would be a burden, not a bittersweet reminder.



And now life is good, life is sweet, life is full of richest grace and am I still running, still longing, still clinging to the One? Am I still in constant recognition that no amount of "good" in this life can satisfy the thirst for him?

Because calendar full or empty, list of friends long or short, comfort present or non-existent I will always feel the sting of loneliness; I will forever be destined to loneliness' presence on this earth.

So I run, I cling, I remain steadfast in my Maker because though the life is good, the life is full with him, though the life is happy, the life is joyous with him, though the life is fun, the life is beautiful with him.


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