thinking of you.

I wish I could say I don't think of you anymore. That you never come to mind when I hear the bands you love, or when I eat chicken salad sandwiches, or when I wear that shirt you loved, or when I smell cigarette smoke.

I wish I could say I have moved on and things are going great and my life is just fine without you. And part of me can, because life is going well. But I still think of you.

And I wonder how many more years I will because your hand hasn't slipped into mine for a very long time but I still catch myself wondering why it feels so empty. And your face hasn't graced its lovely self through my door any time recently but I still catch myself thinking it's you when someone knocks. And your name hasn't come up on my phone in heaven knows how long so is it wrong I still hope its you calling when it rings?

And I wish I could say that I wished I didn't think of you anymore. But I can't. Because I don't. You were a part of me, you are a part of me and my life would be very different if you weren't ever in it. So I will hold tightly to those precious moments and fond memories while you go on with your life and I go on with mine, wishing that you were thinking of me all this time too.