is this life to the full?

"If Christ were only a cistern, we might soon exhaust His fullness, but who can drain a fountain? Countless believers throughout the ages have drawn their supplies from Him, and not one of them has complained at the insufficiency of His resources. – Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evenin

I stumbled through the day, seeking someone, anyone, to lift off the weights of the day's heavy pressures from my weary and tired shoulders. I prayed for the sun to set, to go to bed, so I could too.

But even when the sun kissed the land and the moon was seen high above the Appalachain mountains I still had work to do, people to talk to, to do lists to check off because isn't this life? Isn't this life to the full? Isn't this the beautiful, busy life the magazines and television shows and movies glamorize?

If it is, I don't want it anymore. So I crawl into bed, face hits pillow and I try to rest. But soon my head is spinning with the day's belongings and I am lost in a tizzy of I should have's and Why didn't I's. 

The heart grows heavy as I grow guilty of all the things I should have done, all the things I should have said, all the people I should have loved. And this fragile body and wicked heart are a great pair for destruction and unrighteous actions. This weak combination of flesh and bones and thoughts and a heartbeat grow weary by day's end and cannot live out the greatest commands the way they know they should.

So the words "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and soul" and "love your neighbor as yourself" become words that ignite shame and my ears and my eyes and my heart turn away from them because how can I do this each day? How can anyone do this each day? How can this expectation be put upon my aching, sinful being?

But then the new morning comes and so does his mercy, and I remember that I cannot love God with my all, nor love my neighbor more than myself because I am finite and broken and selfish. So I must live from his fountain, live from his endless ocean of strength, love, peace, patience. And praises to him who fills me with his spirit and shows compassion and forgiveness to this weary, broken heart.

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