7/21/13

heartache

My posts are generally obscure musings from my own life oozed together by poetry, divine and a love for words. If you know me well and my life and my story you may read my writings and know who I am referring to, what situation I am gleaning from or which trouble I am pounding my keyboard about. But if you don't know me well, if we do not sit and chat about God and love and heartbreak and the messes, then you likely will see my posts as an observer, an onlooker, reading of things which seem to come out of thin air but truly come from the heart.

This is no such post.

I usually stray from the too personal, the too intimate, the too beautiful of secrets. I leave all that directness for the Taylor Swifts of the world.

But too heavy is my heart for such ambiguous, obscure talk. Too weighty is this burden that I can craft mysterious lines of poetry that have hidden between the lines fingerprints of my soul.

Because the truth is my heart aches to be home.

I have found and experienced and rejoiced in the friendship of my Jesus and sometimes the longing to be with him is great. Tonight is such a night, for tonight I have seen the painful bruises loneliness leaves on a soul. This past year I have seen the crippling shackles fear puts you in. For months God has handed me a mirror and shown me my flaws and incompatibilities and selfishness in effort to earnestly show me the greatness of who he is.

And I have been apathetic. Leaning back deep into the chair of Leisure, propping my feet up on the footrest of Comfort and holding the hand of Ignorance. Out of sight, out of mind. While the hearts of humans break next door and the breaths of dying are breathed one last time not knowing this Jesus.


I do not have a solution to end this all on. I don't have a breakthrough to say "adieu" with. So I pray for growth and Jesus and healing.

Have a good week.

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