healthy things grow

you know what you're doing?

you are living your life like it hasn't yet begun.

like one day he will walk in. or you'll get that big break you've always hoped for. or the light bulb will turn on with a world-changing idea. but, until then, you believe you cannot live.

well guess what?

you can and you should and you must.

have you ever thought about what defines a healthy thing? a flower, child, tree? to make it simple i will tell you out right: they grow.

healthy things grow.

a healthy flower does not become stagnant, stunted in mid-bloom. a healthy body does not stay one age forever. even time does not sit down for a moment's break.

we grow and we bend and we move and we thrive.

you know, often i have prayed eight elementary words: god, allow me to know who i am.

know with confidence and firm conviction. know like that woman who has it all together. know like the people who are who they are and don't change to fit convention.

but here is the truth: i may never figure out who i am completely and then stay there. yes, tomorrow i hope i will know myself a little better. become more self-aware of my faults and my likes and my strengths and my voice. but i know the day after tomorrow the same will be said.

for i am in transition, constant growth, always changing. hallelujah! that means i am healthy. or at least on the path to health.

so what can i do as i grow and thrive?

tend to my soul.

tend to my heart and allow myself to say today i am aware of myself this much and tomorrow take some steps forward. or even back.

i must allow myself to question and ponder and search and be curious.

so instead of the prayer "god, allow me to know who i am" i pray this:

god, help me know i am loved.

for it is only in the secures hands of my maker, only in the knowledge of his complete acceptance, that i can truly tend to my soul and let my heart grow.