to live fully

I am trying. And isn't that all that matters?

For it is not the completion of a challenge that makes you strong, but the process of it all. And to live fully has proven a challenge.

To live fully, content with all that is given, thankful for each passing moment or situation or person that God so graciously hands me---and what's more, from a God who is above all else good therefore all given unto me is good even in the gifts in which this ignorant soul deems broken---and to ride upon the unending wave of this moment is a difficult task.

My current state of living is passive and, I fear, passionless. I have a book in which each day you are handed a question. The questions range from What music do you like currently? to What do you want to be remembered for?

Yesterday the question asked me what I am currently exploring. Hmmm... good question. Hard answer. Though my heart wanted to scribble down easy words that flow like honey---I am exploring gardens, I am exploring the beauty of the Carolinas, I am exploring this earth---my soul knew that this question must be answered properly. It must be answered truthfully.

And so, in my best handwriting, I let the pen glide across paper as upon it I inscribed: I am exploring a life in which fear is not present.

Put in layman's terms: I am trying, aching, giving it my best shot to live life fully. 

And to jump into this way of life must take divine power for I have but little strength and almost no discipline. And so I make my daily cry for my Maker's help and thank him in advance for I know he will prove faithful.