1/6/13

self pity and french fries



My heart is stretching, each emotion that I am feeling making it grow and move and bend. I've been feeling so much lately. I've been taking each emotion and holding it up to the light of Your truth and deciphering it's worth.

And then, The Most Difficult Part steps in like the overbearing boy at your high school dance who cuts in during the dance with that boy with pretty eyes who makes you feel beautiful. The Most Difficult Part steps in and says, "If that feeling is ugly and ungodly and unworthy and useless, toss it out. Toss it out like Crocs. Toss it out like leftover french fries. Toss. It. Out."

And I know I need to cling onto the good, the righteous, the holy. I know I need to hold onto the beautiful and precious and praiseworthy. I need to savor them like peppermint candies at Christmas.

But tell me this oh Most Difficult Part: why does sin feel so good?

Why is this beautiful, complex mind of mine so fun to get lost in? And why are the thoughts that are good to get lost in the ones that don't honor God or make the best use of my time or are beneficial?

Why is it so easy to forget God in the walls of mind? Within the walls of my thoughts saying, "God can't be real" and "I can't do anything right"?

The thing about thoughts are they can destroy you. Your imagination is beautiful and necessary but when you create ideal scenarios in your head and compare them to your real life you end up like the kid at Christmas who asked Santa for a bike and got an encyclopedia.

And that's what happened to me.

I found myself so lonesome and empty, jealous of the laughs arising from two friends and their kindred spirits. My eyes green with envy when I beheld a man and woman with their fingers and souls and lives interlocked. My heart about to burst when I realized that the girl across the table from me had longer legs and better hair and funnier jokes and a kinder spirit than the girl across from me in the mirror.

Comparison is an ugly, ugly, ugly thing. It is an unhealthy, ungodly, horrible thing. Don't let yourself get sucked into Self Pity and his wooing.

Comparison seeps into your soul and wants you to fix your eyes on yourself and everyone around you. It wants you to rate yourself, critique yourself, look at yourself.

But instead, step outside your mind and deny Self Pity and his offers. Step into the new heart you've been given by your Maker and fix your eyes and thoughts on him.

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