12/17/12

peanut butter and Cracker Barrell and syndromes

I felt like the last spoonful of peanut butter in the jar who had 4 slices of bread to spread onto. It was impossible but the peanut butter had to find a way, create a way, force a way. I spread myself on slice after slice; it was so thin little evidence showed that I was even there. But I had made my mark, what little it was, and that's all that mattered.

I felt myself growing tired. I couldn't be good peanut butter and cover every slice. At best, I could only be okay peanut butter.

I have this syndrome and it is kind of a mouthful so sit down as you read it and take a deep breath. The syndrome is called I-have-to-be-everyone's-best-friend-favorite-person-and-truest-confidant. I suffer terrible side effects from it. They are, but not limited to, the following: low self-esteem, exhaustion, sensitivity, hopelessness, anxiety, emotional melt downs.

You see, I've got it in my head that I'm a spoonful of peanut butter that needs to cover every slice in the entire loaf. I start off thinking I can do it. I have to do it.

People are hurting. People don't have best friends. People are crying and I can help them.

If I don't, something bad could happen. They could feel lonely. They could go into a dark depression. They could hurt them self.

So I spread myself on to everyone's slice of bread hoping to fix it all.

But I don't. In fact, usually I get in way over my head and end up suffocating in all my responsibilities and wishes and I-have-to's. Soon I am so overwhelmed that I am causing stress on them, disappointing them and hurting them more than helping them,

Have you experienced life like that? If you have the truth is it's not life at all. It's death.

You take on too much, feel like you have to be everything to everyone, when the reality is you can't. You're like a newborn at Cracker Barrel with too much to eat and no way to eat it.

There are two solutions here. I can keep spreading out my thin peanut butter and hope for the best or I can look at my life---look at my dreams, my goals, my desires, my loves---and prioritize. I can choose to invest in certain people---really invest in them.

It's not that I don't love the other people. It's not that I don't care for them and want their best. It's just that I am limited in my love. God has placed people in my path to help and serve and cherish and I should invest in those people.

Because you can't be good peanut butter to everyone. But you can be to someone. 

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