12/6/12

I am with you

My fist pounded against the wood counter top so hard I was sure I'd later discover a bruise. If there was a color for "frustrated" on mood rings, every mood ring within a three mile radius of me would turn that shade.

I was irritated. I was angry. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to crawl under the covers of my warm bed and stay there until the rapture.
But instead I got in the shower and as the water hit my face, tears began streaming down.

I knew there were starving kids in Africa that I should've been worrying about. And someone had probably gotten news that day which would change their life for the worse. And I knew I should be on my knees praying for them, by their side helping them or shutting my own mouth for complaining over my little issues in my spoiled little life. But at the moment, I didn't care.

The pressure was too much and like a three-year-old child I wanted my mom to snap her fingers and make my life better. I wanted a beach chair and the ocean so I could feel the ecstasy of being carefree. I wanted Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream by the truck load.

But then, above the sound of the beating water, I heard him.

I half expected him to scold me and tell me to get over myself. I thought he'd remind me of those starving children or those news-stricken people.

But he didn't. 

That's probably what he should've said. But he knew what I needed to hear:

"I am with you."

Seriously? That's all? "I'm with you."

"Yes. Seriously. I. Am. With. You.

When you feel overwhelmed, know this: I have got this all planned out. I know where you are going to be five years from now and what you are going to be doing. I've got plans for you. Like a storybook, the pages of your life are written and the ending is going to be spectacular. You may not see it now---the foreshadowing of what is yet to come, the events and experiences that bring about the end result---but they are there. I have everything laid out. If you let me take over I can give you the peace you need to get through this moment. I can give you the strength you need to see this project through. I can give you the love you need to be kind to this person. I can give you a heart at rest because you will know you are doing my will.

I. Am. With. You."

And I had phone calls to make, papers write, trying people to love and battles to face when I the conversation was through. But now things were different. Now I knew.