11/8/12

striving

my head has been thinking poetically these last few days. i think because it's just easier to think the tough thoughts when you make them sound pretty.

i realize that not everyone is going to be like, "oh yay! poetry!" but that's okay. i think i've gotten a bit caught up on making "the readers" happy, that i forgot to explore creatively just for the fun of it.

so here goes another:

 my life has become a continuous cycle
of trying to be liked and accepted and idoled.
i try wear what will please the preps and the hipsters,
and say the right things for both the heathens and the preachers.
i never rest, never linger because it might prove me weak;
might prove me boring and that is not what i seek.
i seek love and i seek companions;
people who love me for me.
but we live in times dependent
on friend who like you for what you eat.
you're cool if you go exciting places
not by how you treat strangers along the way.
you're an idol when you instagram homemade pizza,
not by your personality or good name.
i recently went on a walk and it wasn't to take lots of pictures,
or to brag to my friends how i cool i am because of this mid-day adventure.
i went to go find myself and discover who god is.
not the "me" you see on facebook with the much liked status
or the god you read in your books by preachers, speakers and evangelists;
but the me i know is way down deep
stuck between who they want me to be and who i was made to be.
and god is found in the quiet where the moonlight hits the trees.
and maybe god is still revealing himself and my true self seems a long way off,
but at least for now i pray i won't make myself into who it is i've been taught.