11/26/12

big burgendy recliner

He sat there in his favorite chair, the big burgundy recliner that lures him to sleep each evening, with a TV in front of him playing the latest episode of who knows what, but his eyes out the window.

Like a child daydreaming during math class, this sixty-some year old man was looking out into the abyss of what can be, will be, could of been. 

What was he looking for? Some far off place with big, scary monsters or long lost dreams? Neither of those.

He was looking for his other half; the one who he has spent year after year after year with, sitting across from each other---he in his big burgundy recliner and her in the matching sofa. She is out and he is alone.

He isn't normally alone. Or shall I say, he isn't normally without her. Many days you will find him by himself in his den reading a book or out on the porch watching the birds, but she is always close by---in the kitchen, in the living room, in her room. After over fifty years of fighting, laughing, dreaming and holding each other he is at loss on what to do when he is alone---without her.

A car drives by slowly, murmuring like  cat does when he is telling you how happy he is you decided to pick him up and rub his belly. You can see its lights flash by the window and soon the old man is up and at the door, wondering if she is back.

But the car keeps going and the cat's low meow goes away and he sits back down in his big burgendy recliner.

The cycle repeats itself until finally the car turns into his driveway and stops. She gets out and comes to the door. He opens it for her and says she's been gone too long. She brushes him off and heads to bed. And he turns off all the lights and the TV and follows her... no longer alone.


Being dependent on someone is what most people run from. It's like a disease no one wants to get.

It says you are weak and need help. It names a child with a list of things you can't do for yourself.

People say being dependent on someone means you lack control; you are not free. You are glued to this person or animal or thing and that pushes you to live, to laugh, to love. They say without you have no purpose. And maybe without it you don't.

But maybe being dependent is not the most horrible thing in the world. In fact, it might be quite good.

 The most freeing feeling is being able to go out and live your life and know you have arms to fall into when the world leaves you hurt, bitter or angry. Letting yourself find a heart that makes your life better is what makes life worth living. Find that and grow dependent on someone.

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