a letter to The Mirror

I'm writing this in first person because it truly is from my heart. But I want this letter to express your feelings, too. I pray that the "I" used here won't become you reading another girl's thoughts but you reading your own. Maybe this will help you see the sick connection we have to the mirror and give you courage to move into a healthy relationship with it.

A letter to The Mirror:

you have been the source I turn to everyday. Right when I wake up, I go to you. When I get a break between classes, I turn to you. As I brush my teeth at night, I use you to look into my own eyes, staring back at me.

The Queen turned to you in her fear of not being the most beautiful, and I turn to you in mine.

More than I need my cell phone, I need you. More than I need my wallet, I need you. More than I need the Bible, I need you.

And you tell me what I need: more mascara, a facial mask, lip plumper. And you tell me what I don't need: a new pimple, frizzy hair, lunch.

You help me, Mirror. You help me to criticize and critique. To inspect and evaluate.  As my best friend stands beside me gazing into you just as I do, I use you to compare. Hmm... I think. Her skin is prettier than mine; more clear and tan. But I have a better smile.*

I stand before you, pleading like an overlooked child desiring his mother's affection. Pleading for a miracle. To close my eyes and open them to find that my nose has shrunk smaller and my face is less round and my hair became darker.

Pleading that I could open my eyes and see beauty.

But I open my eyes and just see me.

You, Mirror, have never come through. You've never been my fairy godmother to grant me my wish. Yet, you have also been my addiction. I thrive in front of you. I love to use you as a tool to hurt myself. To throw insult after insult at my poor, helpless body. 

Will it ever stop?

Not until I open my eyes and finally find my wish granted.

Do you struggle with an addiction to the mirror? What does a healthy relationship with the mirror look like?

*Just in case you're curious minds were wondering, this is not an actual "best friend" so don't go saying "Oh I bet she was talking about so-and-so because so-and-so is super tan!" No. Everyone is tanner than me. Including this make believe best friend.

P.S. I really thought about if I should write this or not. I am in a really good place with how I look at the moment. But I also realized that, as women, this is something we struggle with. It's okay. We were made to beautiful and long for that beauty (I wrote about that here) so embrace it! Just don't let it consume you as it has me.