8/10/12

the last of the lasts.



it's happening: tomorrow i move a state away and begin this college journey. crazy, eh?

this past week has felt similar to what one may feel when they're dieing (just kidding... but seriously): i said my good-byes to every family member, close friend, acquaintance and stranger*

i cried. a lot. probably more than i have ever cried in my life. and the slightest word or look from someone could tip me over the edge (my dad saying he loves me, my mom making me lunch, my sister giving me a hug, my dog sitting on top of my face... although the last was more of a physical pain rather than emotional).

i'm really excited about college (although, my last few sentences may have persuaded you otherwise). i get that it's the cycle of life to move on and do uncomfortable things... and i also get that these changes in life are what shapes us and our futures.

you know, i am really, REALLY sad to leave the environment i am in now. it's comfy and fits me and makes sense. but i also know i'm not satisfied. i am not satisfied with my current relationship with God, my perseverance, my knowledge, my experiences. and the only way to grow is to stretch one's self. and that's what i am doing.

and something i love about change is that it makes you appreciate things a whole lot more.

i have never stopped and "smelled the roses," so to speak, as much as i have this past summer. i lived life up because i knew things were changing. new things were on their way. and i wanted to live in all these moments before they came.

i truly began living days as if they were my last because i knew that a lot of lasts were happening---my last walk into my high school building, my last living at home 365 days out of the year, my last night in my home before school (which happens to be tonight).

and as i think about all these lasts i realize that a big change doesn't create these moments---change doesn't create this recognition of time being of the essence. because each day is truly a last. it is the one and only day that you will have these exact experiences with these exact people and those exact conversations. each day is a last. so why not live like it?

why not experience each day, each hour, each moment to the hilt? why not let yourself be taken in by the beautiful encounters, people and adventures you find yourself in today?

because today is a last. yesterday was a last. and soon, tomorrow will be a last.

live like it. experience it. cry and laugh and eat and hug. live in the present and never lose sight of your Creator.

i'm hoping that your last evening in this last day of your life will be full of laughter and love... just like i'm praying mine will be.

*stranger good-byes go a little something like this: "i know you don't know me... but you could've known me. and i could've known you. but now i am moving miles away and our possible friendship can't happen. but if you want to send me money, a gas card, or food my number is..."