face your hurt and become vulnerable

You know that feeling you get right after someone hurts you? That kinda of hurt that punches you in the gut and leaves you asking, "Did you really just say that? Were you even thinking when you did that?"

Maybe somebody put your personality or body down. Maybe they treated you like someone to spit on; a no-life who deserves to be walked all over. Maybe they called you the wrong name... or maybe they forgot your name completely.

It sucks to be hurt and it sucks to be an outcast. I found myself bawling tonight as I realized just how broken we are and just how hurtful we can be. We wound with words that cut deep into the heart, steal all the life that is within in it, and then close it back up only to be re-opened by someone else and their words. We let our pride, insecurity, and selfishness make us numb to others and their feelings, but also to ourselves and our feelings.

I find myself a lot of times getting down on others or myself and to be honest, I am kind of sick of it.

I mean, why do we do the things we do? Why do we keep up with this endless cycle of name-calling, ignoring, and hurtful words and actions? Why is it that the church is notorious for their gossip, hypocrisy, and judgement?

But what if we began a reputation that contradicted those stereotypes? What if we began making ourselves vulnerable so that others felt the openness to become vulnerable, too? What if each of us met each other's needs? What if we encouraged? What if we didn't cause drama? What if someone hurt you and you forgave them? What if we stopped holding grudges and bitterness? What if we became a people who were notorious for Love?

I'm sitting here with a deep hurt. One that has festered for quite awhile. One that has been a catalyst for other hurts because I became too ready too accept lies and throw myself a pity party.

But more than that, I am sitting here with a hurt that comes from my negligence. My negligence to the fact that there are hurting people all around me and I am absorbed in my own little pains and worries. I get so consumed in questions like, Who is going to love me? What if people keep being hurtful? What if I give myself to everyone and no one helps me? What if I don't have enough affection/encouragement/love?

Isaiah 58:11 tells us the Lord will sustain us always and will strengthen our frame in a sun scorched land [or a group of people who are ignoring you, or in a situation where you are belittled, or in all the hurts and pains you are feeling right now].

I'm a point where it could be really easy to get wrapped up in my hurt and zone out. I could walk away from the relationships and become numb because, honestly, I just don't have the strength to deal with it and it hurts too much to think about it. But our God is not a God who calls us to walk out on life with the going gets tough. He doesn't want us to pull out relationships that get too "hard." He doesn't tell us to just forget the hurt, He calls us to look it in the face and call it what it is. And He gives us what we need to do that.

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus" is a not a verse to be taken lightly. It is a promise that our hearts should claim and become steadfast on. MY God SHALL supply ALL I need. Read it. Now, read it again. Sing it. Paint it in every color, on every canvas, wall, and street corner! Dance within its realms and keep pushing the boundaries we've set up in our hearts that claim we can't do it. Make it your heart's cry and the first words that come to your lips. Tattoo it on your forehead and let it fester in your mind. OUR GOD WILL SUPPLY AND GIVE US ALL WE NEED. He is Jehovah Jireh and He will always be Jehovah Jireh.

He will give us the courage to become vulnerable. He will give us love, mercy, and joy to give to others. He will give us power to confront our hurts. He will give us redemption to break the chains. He will give us all we could ever long for and dream of.