9/20/11

God is awesome... and He makes me mad.

Someone recently told me the reason they liked my writings so much is because I said what everyone else was thinking... well. Hope you guys are thinking this:

Sometimes God makes me mad.

He just does. Sorry if that offends you and if you want to tell me in your sweet little southern mamma accent, "Well, God has a reason for everything, honey" you can, but I can't promise I won't smack you in the face.

I realize God has a plan. The past few weeks I have seen my plans be destroyed but His', far greater, plans come alive and they completely won out over my feeble dreams. So, before I tell you why God makes me mad, let me tell you how awesome He is (David did this back and forth thing a lot in Psalms, so... I guess it's okay, haha).

1) I had been assigned a class first period that wasn't all it cracked up to be on the first day. I was bored out of my mind. I struggled through two days of it and thought to myself: I need to get out of this madness. Then, what to ya know, my teacher asks for a volunteer to be a teacher's assistant for a teacher who is teaching a class of students who need help studying and getting the gist of high school. So, I gave her my name. 
She asked met to help her out and I started typing up worksheets, helping with Algebra problems, and those sorts of things. The teacher in the class told me of one of the girls in the class didn't know English and had recently moved from Ethiopia... Ethiopia.... Ethiopia (sorry, moving to a whole other country and not knowing the language blows my mind).
I began tutoring her. I helped her learn vowels, clothing items, general questions. Pretty soon I learned of her family, her life, her dreams. It has been incredible. Her gratefulness humbles me. 
She is so unaware of American culture, but so willing to learn what she can. She is so grateful for her life in America and it is awesome to see. She is also the sweetest person you'll ever meet.
She carried a fanny pack to lunch. A. FANNY. PACK. I loved it! Now she is sporting a hot pink lunch box and I love her sassyness. Recently, not thinking any of it, gave her a notebook I wasn't using and I thought she was going to cry. It meant so much to her (a notebook, guys. It was 40 cents!)
I just am in awe of how entitled I think I am when I am around her. Huge wake up call.
Her and I


2) God takes my small dreams and makes them incredible God moments.
How so? You ask. Well, let me tell you. I started a gathering of people called Love United 2 weeks ago. The preparation for it began this past summer, but the event occurred 2 weeks ago yesterday. It's basically a weekly gathering of people who come and we ask questions about God, life, the local church, our past. We share our hurts and our doubts. We bond over our truth. The launching night made me nervous. I didn't know who was going to come... if anyone was going to come. I didn't know if it was going to be one of those awkward conversations where no one talks back. I was freaked out. It came, though, and blew my mind.
Everyone shared their life story (here's mine). We had an incredible guy share how he is trying to understand why his mom had to die this past summer. We had  a guy who had grown up in a strict, Baptist home tell how he had finally be set free from legalism. We heard of a guy sharing about how he thought all Christians didn't make sense until this past summer at camp and God clicked for Him. We heard a girl talk about her life long struggle with juvenile arthritis and how it had made her self-conscious and the victim of bullying. It was like everyone let their life be naked for once. In a world where we are told we aren't good enough being ourselves we learned that we aren't so different from everyone else---we all struggle, cry, and don't understand.
The worship was incredible. We were all off key, screaming like mad men, but it was beautiful. As tears streamed down faces and prayer began to be spoken over those who need it everyone could feel God's presence.
There were tears, there were lives touched, and all I could do was sit there and be in awe of the God who is in control and does the impossible.

3) The day after the first Love United I walked into the class I am an assistant for. A girl had blown up on the teacher and I was the one told to deal with her. We went into the library to talk. She told me how her step-dad had sexually abused her when she was little. She moved in with her grandparents but they didn't treat her well so a month ago her mom gave her up for foster care. She currently hates her foster mom, but hates even more her mom for giving her up. I can't even imagine. I prayed with her, gave her my number, and offered her a friend if she ever needed to talk.

And number three brings me to why sometimes God makes me mad:

Why does he allow this awful stuff to happen to people? Why did my friend lose his mom? Why did this girl have to feel so unloved and unwanted by the woman who gave birth to her? Why does my friend have arthritis and is bullied? Why? It just doesn't make sense.