You Deserve It All!

I think I was getting too comfortable. I think I started subconsciously thinking, "I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have it all. I deserve to have this glamorous life where people love me, living is easy, and I get whatever I want. I deserve it all."

I mean, who can blame me? With media screaming at me left and right claiming I am the best and I should have everything.

The scary part though, with this kind of thinking, is how easy it became for me to shut off God. I honestly remember thinking once this past week, "Well, I can be nice without spending time in God's Word this morning and filling up on Him. I can do it on my own; I'll just work extra hard." I'm an arrogant little thing, right?

But, that's what I did. I filled up on me, instead of my Creator. I filled up on getting approval from people's laughs at my jokes, boys checking me out, and compliments. I filled up on the feeling of I deserve the best.

The thing is, though, that kind of life is really draining. Because what do you do when no one laughs at your joke---or worse---there is no one even there to hear them? What happens when the boys start looking at another girl instead of you? What happens when the compliments are shifted to the person standing beside you? What is filling you up then?

I randomly flipped to the book of Joel today. To be honest, I have never read that book and I didn't even know there was a book in the Bible called Joel.

And it's a pretty pressing book (or at least the first chapter of it is, because that's all I've read so far). It talks about how Judgement Day is coming and it's going to be horrific. It talks about how we need to feel remorse for our sins. It speaks on how big our God is and the fact that He is capable of anything.

I got a lot out of that one little chapter I read. Sometimes God uses a verse that is talking about one thing and makes it completely relevant to a situation going on in my life that has nothing to do with the circumstance in the passage---and that's exactly what He did today.

I came face to face with how selfish I am. I cried over the fact of how comfortable I am in selfishness. I was smacked in the face over the fact that my self worth is based upon material things---the clothes I wear, the things I buy, the technology I have and I realized this important truth: everything that I buy, am given, and own are privileges... blessings. I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve my home, family, and comforts and certainly not Christ and His love. So, knowing that I deserve nothing, I must be able to find joy in God alone. I must be able to focus fully on Him and be consumed in His love in everything and in nothing.

Because I don't deserve His love. It's a privilege... one that should cause me to sing with gratitude.